Living as a 50-year-old adult is hard enough, but when you finally get your life back at 50 and haven't lived yet, it is depressing. Life happened to me. I did not direct it. I was blocked and ignored by the adults in my life.
I want to hear from others who had the first half of their life stolen from them and get support, advice, and validation. I am looking for ways to catch up.
The battle in my mind
I've been so depressed about how my life was not my own until two years ago. The last two years were mine, but I allowed depression and anxiety to rule.
I'm excited to live when I forget that I'm 50, but the second I remember, the excitement turns to fear, hopelessness, and sorrow for a life lost.
I grieve for the life and normal opportunities I would have had and for the many others like me. I was not allowed to go to school or have interaction with anyone outside of their cult. I am definitely not the only one and everyone has their story.
I need to stop thinking about the loss of the first 48 years of my life because allowing those thoughts to enter my mind makes my future worse. I get frozen, paralyzed, like someone afraid of heights stuck at the top branches of a tree.
I am healthy, I have work, I am mobile, and I do not answer to anyone but myself. These are all key factors to being able to take back the wheel. It is also a lonely life, but I'll take that over losing any more time.
(more to come...)
